is this really happening?

So I gave it another chance. I tried my hardest to play it off like it was no big deal, but I knew it was an all or nothing shot. I knew that I could blow the whole thing with one fell swoop. It was a burden I didn’t have to carry but I did anyway. I want to be happy. I know doing will make me happy, but is everything along the way worth it? There’s not definition, there’s not a limit, in fact there’s nothing at all. It’s an open sea with nothing but waves, sand and sky. I’d rather drown than regret anything.

I just need to hold out. I want this more than she’ll ever realize.